Watching the Boys



Spencer enjoys reading The Hobbit at the lake.



This week-- like every week-- I learn unplanned lessons. This week, John Robert found a new passion during his high school biology class. The teacher introduced the idea of debating an environmental issue, and John Robert suddenly morphed into a leader during the debate. He happily argued both sides of the issue in front of 15 older kids that he barely knew. Afterward, he said he really liked arguing and debating. Who knew?

Spencer invited Shaw to spend the night last night. To my surprise, they kept everything very low key-- drawing comics mostly; also working on a Lego stop action movie, a few nerf gun battles outside and throughout the house. They all hung out with me for a while in the living room watching The Middle. They were very relaxed together, and didn't feel the need to excitedly run from one activity to another. It was quite peaceful and sweet.



Denver enjoys a little homeschool at the gazebo.



The big surprise last night was Denver. He was willing to do whatever Shaw wanted to do. As a result, Denver spent hours sitting at the table with Shaw and Spencer drawing comic characters. He had never done that before. I noticed Denver often asking Shaw how to spell words to go with his comic strip. Shaw answered quickly (and correctly!) each time. Denver learned to listen well and write fast because Shaw didn't enjoy repeating himself.

This morning, as soon as John Robert came downstairs (11:00am!), Shaw invited John to join them in an outside Nerf battle. To my surprise, John nodded his sleepy head, stuffed a blueberry muffin in his mouth, and said, "Let's go."

They are outside as I write this; moving too fast for a picture; running, shouting, and chasing one another through the trees.



Crow's Feet Confession

Libraries can be dangerous. Two days ago as I was browsing the aisles, I saw a book entitled, "How Not to Look Old." What the heck? I checked it out.

To my horror, many of my clothes, shoes, and even eyeglasses had a big red circle around them and a line through the middle. I wasn't doing any of the recommended things to "maintain" my skin, hair, and general appearance. I didn't even qualify under the writer's lowest category of maintenance. At only 45, I had definitely crossed the fashion line into OL-- Old Lady.

I usually think of myself as healthy, happy, and relatively attractive for my age. But with nearly 300 pages of examples to the contrary, I realized that maybe I would feel better if I looked better. And this is where things get ugly.

With no one to talk any sense into me, I purchased an embarrassing quantity of creams, cleaners, and microdermabrasion products. I bought a new recommended shade of lipstick. I "invested" in a few clothing items-- replacing my OL jeans with jeans that are (according to the book) Y&H (young and hip. Also known to me as Yikes & How Much?).

Thank goodness my sons have talked some sense into me. Spencer smiled at me as I sat on the couch reading yesterday. "You know what makes you look old?" he asked.
I looked up from my book. "What?", I asked.

"Sitting on the couch reading a book entitled How Not to Look Old," he replied. We all had a good laugh about that one!

Last night, John Robert saw me as I was doing my new night time skincare routine. He raised his eyebrows and smiled as he watched me.

"What?", I asked; "This is going to make me look a LOT younger!", I said sheepishly. We both smiled at my lie.

"Okay. As long as you don't get so young that I have to start opening doors for you because you can't reach the knob!" We both giggled and said goodnight.

After only two days, I confess that I am already a bit tired of thinking about my appearance. Concentrating on how to look Y&H seems to be creating a furrowed brow. I think I'd rather have fun and leave the expensive facial treatments to someone else. Now my boys will have to think of some different jokes!

What "Nothing" Looks Like



Denver creates artwork to welcome the Fall season.



It feels like we have done "nothing" today. But have we?

I awoke around 6am, made coffee, took care of our pets, prepared breakfast, and encouraged everyone to begin their academic work. John called from Lexington, Kentucky on his way to Houston, Texas. We don't know when he'll be home. Maybe late tonight or maybe a day or two from now.

I opened my dusty guitar case, but was unsuccessful in getting the guitar tuned. I did manage to tune my violin-- which I have not played in a year. I began playing a little. The nice thing about taking a year off from violin practice is that the music in my lesson books is now a lot more challenging!

Later in the morning, Spencer and Denver went with me to get my guitar restrung. We also took my college ring to the jewelers to get it resized, went by the dry cleaners to pick up John's shirts, and went by the courthouse to pick up my robe. While at the courthouse, we picked up some big, empty boxes for Spencer and Denver to play with. I went home, fixed everyone lunch, played violin for the boys as they ate (this could explain why they finished so quickly!). The boys each took a turn on the violin before and after lunch. This wasn't a lesson, just silly fun.

I taught history, looked up historical pictures on the internet for the boys, helped with an art project, taught math, Latin, grammar, and reading, and thought about exercising (but didn't).

Denver woke around 7am. After greeting me with hugs, he played on the Wii until breakfast. He read three books to me. He and his brother played with blue blocks after his math class-- building Batman's Wayne Manor and several other things. Denver enjoyed doing his grammar, quickly did his Latin, listened during history, and loved doing two art projects.

After breakfast, Spencer played outside and then we all took a short stroll up and down the street. The weather was perfect and inviting. Spencer plays constantly with a new sand art desk toy I bought for them. He loves turning the frame with the sand and liquid and watching new formations.

Spencer read some Hobbit today, and finally managed to complete his math-- though it took several hours. He stopped constantly to play with his little brother, do history work, do an art project, see pictures of the ancient Ajanta Caves from India, practice karate, eat snacks, go to the bathroom, and stare out the window. He seems happy today, just not a fan of math; and he has a mind too busy and filled with ideas to be able to focus on unpleasant tasks.

John Robert would have liked to sleep late. Instead, he got up when I asked him and took a walk with me after breakfast. He began doing the laundry. He tackled his biology assignment and went to Mimi's after lunch to work on math. Occasionally, he curls up on the couch when he thinks I won't "catch" him reading and relaxing. He doesn't seem to realize that I don't mind if he goes slowly. I love that he reads almost constantly and he loves to sit and think.

I have an hour before I leave for work. The day has felt lazy and slow, but I see that it has been full. Spencer sits 20 feet away as he does his writing. Every few seconds (it seems), he asks how to spell a word. Although it makes it difficult for me to write, I love that Spencer cares about spelling, and is undoubtedly becoming a better writer and speller this year.

In a few minutes, I'll leave for court. The boys will go to Mimi's house, then John Robert will go to swimming while Spencer goes to karate.

This evening, we'll curl up in front of a movie maybe, and we'll think what a boring day we've had. But this record tells otherwise.

Chillax



The Degonias off the coast of Tybee Island on a Dolphin Adventure!



Chill. Relax. Chillax. This week the whole family went on a four-day vacation which felt so marvelous and refreshing that it seems like years since last week.

With our SUV stuffed to overflowing, the five of us lit out for Savannah. On our way, we stopped in Dublin (Georgia, not Ireland!) to visit our good friend, Mickey Baker, who flies rescue helicopters for a living. The boys enjoyed learning about how he carries patients and medical crew aboard the helicopter; and Denver loved having his picture taken in the pilot's seat!



Denver enjoys flying Mr. Mickey's rescue helicopter.



As soon as we got to Savannah, our first stop was the Aquarium and UGA research facility on Skidaway Island. It was great! Not only did we take a hike along the marsh and see lots of crabs, oyster beds, egrets, and spanish moss; we were also invited by the aquarium manager-- a friendly and enthusiastic biologist-- to watch the feeding of the octopus, seahorses, and needlefish. We saw turtles, bonnethead sharks, rays, alligators, and other local creatures swimming in their tanks. And because we were there right at closing time, we had the place to ourselves.

After checking into our hotel, we adventured out to Savannah's historic district to enjoy a warm praline and a walk along River Street. The best part was eating seafood at the Pirates' House. AARGH!



Denver identifies a square backed crab.





On Wednesday morning, we visited Fort Pulaski, which was the site of one of the first Union victories during the Civil War. It was taken by the Union in 1862. The boys had visited the fort last year with Mimi and Paw Paw, but they enjoyed seeing it again and learning some historical facts from their daddy.






Don't worry, Nana; it's not a copperhead!
Denver holds a corn snake.

    

On Wednesday afternoon, we arrived on Tybee Island, and checked into the Burton 4-H camp, where we stayed until Friday morning. Our time there is a blur of pleasure:

swimming in the ocean,
walks on the beach,

discovering a bioluminescent jellyfish on a night time beach excursion,

trudging through the marsh with rubber boots to see thousands of skittering crabs and periwinkle snails.

 




John Robert proudly displays the fish
found within his squid during dissection.

 
The boys delighted in learning to use a net to catch ocean life. They got to see and/or touch sealife and animals at close range: three kinds of turtles, a gopher tortoise, three kinds of crabs, sea anemone, snakes, and an alligator. The piece de resistance was dissecting a squid. To his surprise and delight, John found a fish in his squid's stomach and was the hit of the class!



Getting ready for our Dolphin Adventure!



John Robert poses under the pier
at Tybee Island.

 

On our last day, we went on a dolphin tour. Did you know that a mother dolphin is pregnant for 12 months? Did you also know that after a baby dolphin is born, it has to be lifted by its mother to the surface each time it needs to breathe? Can you imagine? It is wonderful that a new dolphin mommy is usually assisted by another female dolphin-- called an auntie-- who helps to care for the baby. Isn't that amazing?

As we drove home on Friday evening and as I did seven loads of laundry, unpacked bags, tidied the house (a little), and relaxed with a new book on the back porch this afternoon (because the weather is suddenly cool and marvelous), I cannot help but think thoughts of gratitude.

The people we met were wonderful. The children were sweet, polite, and curious. They were funny and friendly. The boys had no trouble fitting in.

 

One of my favorite moments: After our Crabs and Critters class, Denver did not want to walk with me back to the dorm. He wanted to stay and play with the other children. I asked, "Are you ready to walk back to the dorm?"

He gently smiled and pushed me away. "You go," he said softly. "I'm staying here."

I was delighted that he felt so safe and happy with people he'd known only 24 hours. For the next half hour, he and the other kids played store with their crabs. They called their store Crabitat. Denver pretended to work at the store taking care of the crabs. I couldn't imagine a better group of children for my boys to learn and play with.



Denver and classmates spot crabs and periwinkle snails in the marsh.



Their parents were just as approachable and friendly. John and I enjoyed everyone. We all liked and appreciated the enthusiastic and well organized staff. The camp leader was especially fun loving and playful, and he set the tone for the rest of the group.

I was initially a bit put off by all the rules: no running in certain areas; get in line when the bell rings; no tea for children; you must wear certain kinds of shoes; no getting up from the meal table until you are told, etc. I know I've been spoiled by my profession. As a judge, I'm used to making the rules and taking everyone else's thoughts as suggestions. It was a return to childhood to have so many rules to follow. It helped me begin rethinking the necessity of many rules I impose on my boys.

To my delight, one of my favorite people at the camp was the maintenance man named Jim. Always smiling, he seemed to be the man behind the scenes who keeps the place running. One day he wore a T-shirt that said: My Answer is YES.

My boys loved that T-shirt. When I suggested "My Answer is YES" should be my new motto, they cheered! When I complimented Jim on the shirt, he said he tries to live in that spirit. I quietly put Jim into my hero category.

This beautiful experience could not have happened without homeschooling.



Spencer and Denver enjoy the antics of a friendly surfer dude!

This time last year, I was constantly questioning our homeschooling decision. I was more than a little concerned that the boys "weren't learning enough." Now I have no such thoughts. In fact, I only wish we could have begun sooner. I see the boys not just having more learning opportunities to choose from now; I also see that our family relationships are closer and stronger than ever before.

We are blessed beyond measure.

















The X Factor

I'm so glad we've invested
in a math tutor for Jibby.

John Robert has a math tutor for algebra. He is happy with her and learning a lot. I am grateful. He is getting the guidance and instruction that he needs at this time, and I am free to admit that algebra is confusing and uninteresting to me.

If I made a list of all of my accomplishments and skills, it might look pretty good. If I made a list of all the things I have not accomplished or cannot do, the list would be much longer and might look pretty bad:

Cannot speak a foreign language
Have not traveled the world
Not a good financial manager
Cannot cook very well
Have never taken a physics class
Don't like or do well in Algebra
Had to change my major because I couldn't pass organic chemistry
Can barely start my car, much less change the oil.

As an adult, I tend to focus on what I CAN do. I don't judge myself by the Cannot/Have Not list.

But as a parent, I often make the mistake of focusing on the "have nots" and "cannots" of my children, as if I had the power to identify their failures and fill in their gaps until they are perfectly full and well rounded.

I certainly would not appreciate it if someone tried to do this for me:
"Kim, I see that you don't know anything about physics, and you cannot speak a foreign language despite years of French classes; so we're going to devote several hours a week to filling in those gaps in order to make you a more well rounded person."
I would hate that!

Why then do so many of us parents and teachers approach our children and students in this way?

Maybe it is a misguided effect of loving them so much and wanting them to have a "perfect" life as we imagine it. Maybe it is the effect of living from a place of fear-- always focusing on "What is wrong."

But could such thinking have the effect of teaching children to always look for the holes in life instead of celebrating the overall beauty of their lives and their talents? Doesn't such an attitude teach people to view themselves as incomplete?

Maybe supporting Jibby's affinity for math is more important than bemoaning his atrocious spelling and indifferent performance in essay writing. Maybe even if I really want him to fill in a gap, he should be the one to choose to do it-- and then I can support him.

But that's an easy one. What about a ten year old who doesn't want to do any math or a six year old who doesn't want to write? When does a gap become a dangerous chasm?

It looks like algebra might come in handy right now: Let X=the precise pressure that will assist in a child's learning without pushing him too hard. Oh, wait! I think that would be a physics question!

The X Factor: A delicate balance
of patience, trust, and encouragement.

Women's Lib through my Son's Eyes

Today my son had his first biology class taught by an Emory physician. Afterward, I asked him about the class (he liked it) and about the teacher.

"Well," he said, "She kind of looks like Ms. Barbara (his math teacher who also teaches college math and physics). I mean, you'd never look at her and guess that she knows the things she knows. She looks more like a . . . " his voice trailed off.

"A grandmother who bakes cookies?" I suggested.

"Exactly," he smiled sheepishly. "A lot of grandmother-looking women aren't what they look like," he observed.

I smiled to myself. Not too long ago, it would have been nearly unimaginable to have a grandmother who is a masterful artist and another who ran a post office; to have a female math and physics professor, and a female biology professor who is also a physician; not to mention having a mom who is a judge. I am grateful that my children will grow up thinking such things normal, and knowing that a grandmotherly looking woman may have a lot to offer beyond chocolate chip cookies.

I'm filled with gratitude for all of the women who showed the world what we can do and have made my choices so much easier. I'm able to be a part-time judge who chooses to do what has always been the more important work: raising children and tending the nest.

Grateful

The difference between a life of abundance and a life of poverty?

Most often the difference is gratitude.