Today was a perfect day.
The boys had a friend over. They played all afternoon-- mostly nerf guns and mostly outside. It was lovely to hear their shouts and laughter and not a moment of anger between them. They even included Denver in their games, which made him ecstatic. I made cookies and set out pizza and clementines and cherries and juiceboxes and milk and stayed out of the way until it was time to take their friend home. A few hours later, the boys went to their Mimi's house while John and I went on a date. It was a perfect Saturday.
While listening to the boys as they played outside this afternoon, I spent time reading a marvelous book entitled "Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves" by Naomi Aldort. It is a powerful book offering concrete ways to be a more attentive, loving, effective parent. In reading it, I realized (yet again!) that I am far from a perfect parent.
Thanks to Ms. Aldort, I found a major change I can make in living with my children. I wonder if it rings true for other parents out there:
It is embarrassing to admit, but sometimes my frustration with the boys arises out of a fear that their failures mean I am failing as a parent. For instance, if Spencer is "behind" in math (he hasn't yet memorized his multiplication tables, for instance), it feels like I have failed as a parent and teacher. Likewise, if Denver is whizzing through a first grade curriculum as a kindergartener, it feels like my success as a parent and teacher. But that conclusion is untrue and unfair.
A child's development and learning belongs to him, and although we parents can support and encourage, we really can't (or shouldn't) take either the credit for successes or the blame for failures. This kind of thinking is unfair to my children and extremely unhealthy for our relationship. My children should be free to experience their lives without my value as a parent being attached to their choices. Other people might judge me that way, but I have the responsibility to my children not to judge myself in that way. I love my children. I want to support and nurture them. They should get full credit for their successes and full support during times of struggle.
I learned something new today. It might help me be a better mom. I am not perfect, but it has been a perfect day.
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