This Too Shall Pass.

My Pencie struggles some days.  Other days, he breezes right through.
Today there is NO breeze.

It must be remembered: not every day is this way.  Most days are pleasant, with rolling hills of pleasure and challenge.  Today has been the Black Death of homeschool days.

Today . . . 
Spencer is seven hours into his homeschool and finally nearly done.  I gave him a history assignment I thought he would enjoy.  Instead, he cried.  

In history class, Denver dressed as a plague
doctor today: he pokes a black death victim
with his cane.

His math took him three hours, and it was a six problem review of his last assignment!  

He has an essay due tomorrow, and I know he did a very poor job on it; but I can't bring myself to ask him to spend more time.  

I don't know what to do.  I don't know why he can't simply sit down and work.  Spencer has all the necessary knowledge and skill, but doesn't seem to be able to relax and do his work.  I don't know if being gentle is going to help Spencer learn, but I know that showing my frustration only creates more chaos.

Denver and Audrey hanging out and cuddling.

Denver is done with today's homeschool; he plows through his work like a bulldozer-- though not without complaint.  He zooms from history to math to grammar to Latin to reading and writing and then on to more exciting activities-- playing with Jake, exploring a new video game, pestering me or his brothers for attention every 15 minutes.  He tends to get underfoot much like the dogs-- wanting to be noticed, wanting attention, especially while I'm in the midst of trying to assist Spencer.

John Robert works like a humming machine.  He asks questions when he has them and then moves on to the next assignment.  He is helpful with his brothers, kind to me, and determined to solve his academic challenges.  He barely needs me, but I love his company, his sense of humor, his calm.  I am grateful for his presence on these challenging days. 

I don't know what to do to be a better mother and teacher.  I am trying to be quiet; to wait until I am calm before I speak.  Often my anger comes from not having my expectations met: I had hoped to go swimming this afternoon, maybe get some exercise, and walk the dogs.  Instead, I've spent the whole day teaching; and circling Spencer trying to sing and dance him through his work. Homeschooling and parenting are not always easy.  Yet this too shall pass.  I want it to be filled with mostly good memories.  Some days I don't know how.